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Ugh....

2/22/2021

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It's funny publishing after the little wins post. I'm grateful for Michael, he has had to deal with my crying almost on a daily basis. To be honest I'm quite the cry baby. But this week was different. It was a week of starting each and every day with bad news and every single bad news had to do with finance.  It felt like every time something got fixed something else would break off. These moments are the worst, they suck the life out of you and render you useless. 

​If every good painter paints what he is, then I am a clusterfuck.
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Trying New Things...Maybe

1/7/2021

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Doing Things, a little bit at a time is what seems to make a difference for me. The little wins, and I mean very little wins.  They make me feel so good and are like little bursts of fuel that keep me going!
Ok. I promise I started doing this before the new year started.... I have not succeeded with resolutions in the past. But I recently decided to, come hell or high water, I will walk every day!

I already failed btw. I'm the master of setting my expectations too high. Pretty much setting myself up for failure and then, for some reason, I'm shocked when I fail.

Its winter and cold...Its hard enough to get out of bed. But this time, it actually is different. I'm trying to be kinder to myself ("So maybe today you forgot to change the fish but you accomplished to do some exercise in weather you hate! AND YOU ENJOYED IT!") .  That's a win in my book.

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Little Wins List

  • Today I showered
  • Today I folded my clean clothes and put it away before I went to sleep
  • I didn't snap
  • I took a walk
  • I did the dishes
  • I took a picture!
  • I painted for 15 minutes
  • I payed my rent
(Expectations are real low for this, you can pretty much add anything. And why not celebrate the little victories that make us feel so good when we do them!)
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working hard or hardly working

7/24/2017

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           Today, was a studio day for me. I had the day off, which meant I didn't really have it off, i simply had more hours to put in the studio. You see, usually I wake up, work in the studio, go to work, come home exhausted and then I muster up the energy to put a couple of more studio hours before I shower and go to bed.
             I was just talking to my partner Michael about little things that people say that irk me. We talked about how people do not really take working artists seriously. They will ask "What will you do when you get home from work?" To which I answer "Work. I will get home at around 11:30pm and i will put a couple of hours in the studio before I get to wind down and go to bed." It is at this point where they will take it upon themselves to belittle what I do and say "Oh, you're just drawing! My son draws (or at least he did when he was five but i somehow feel like thats comparable to what you're doing....dipshit) Thats not work! Thats relaxing!"
             Im writing this post to plead with everyone, don't be this person. As fun as art is, it is a lot, and I mean A LOT of work. You are not only creating art pieces and making prints so that you can be affordable to everyone. But you also have to market yourself (which I suck at), you also must have a social media presence (which i suck at too....I'm working on it). And this is not including the physical toll that making art actually has on your body. Making a painting for me pretty much comes with pain in my joints and in my back, not too mention the pain on my tailbone from the long hours of sitting. By the time I am finished, 1 studio day has taken a lot more out of me than one work day. I noticed that people don't really understand how much work actually goes into making and selling your own art. That is why it is so easy for them to say things like:
  • Oh its your a hobby!
  • I have a ___ who's a REALLY good artist.
  • I can draw the same thing.
  •  If you painted things that people can understand, maybe more people will buy it.
  • Maybe you should pursue something more realistic.
  • Can you draw me?
  • "I see that you love drawing animals and landscapes, do you draw people too? Could you draw a portrait of me?
  • Can you do this for free?
  • "Can you draw me/pet/family/friends/everyone like a photograph?"
  • "You should become a tattoo artist, and then you could tattoo me!
...To mention a few. So please, if you find yourself about to say something like the above, not exactly the same but related to. Please don't. It is not only belittling to the artists but it immediately makes an artists blood, sweat and tears worthless. I write this because I am tired of people saying in a patronizing manner that what I work so hard to do and have spent my entire life studying, is not really work. Thats just shitty.



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    Hello! This space is where my mental and verbal diarhea will come out. It may be art related, inspirational, or just random . But it will definitely give you an idea of how my head works! 

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  • Home
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