Lately, I have been dealing with little stresses. Small things, that are actually not small at all, that as I keep dealing with them they start to snowball. They get bigger and bigger until i look like a curled up ball. A sad strange little person in fetal position in her bed not knowing what to do. Im sure everyone gets this way in different moments in there life. On days I am productive I think things like "I haven't done enough", "What should I do next", "Am I doing the right thing". I feel like I am always moving, doing this and doing that but not going anywhere and everyone I ask for help is telling me, "Its ok! just keep moving even though you don't know what you are doing! We don't know what you are doing either".
Thank you. That was helpful. That clearly made my stress and anxiety go away. I have asked professionals for advice in the matter but when a prominent gallery owner tells you "Well, I don't know what you should be doing but here, like my page, or this picture I'm in", it kind of makes you want to grab the not so elusive "chancla" and throw it at them. DUDE, YOU MADE A CAREER OUT OF THIS AND THAT IS THE CRAP YOU TELL ME TO SATIATE MY MIND! YOU SUCK!
Ugh. I feel like I'm going up shit creek without a paddle. I just have to keep telling myself, its going to be ok, you have only just begun. Just get the work done. At the end of the day all the voices in my head make me feel a little crazy. Not a lot crazy, just a little.
I am finding myself struggling to keep things in order... The struggle is real people! Between trying to be consistent with posts and art and other jobs, somethings gotta give! Unfortunately, nothing can! Its all equally important! The jobs pay for the art, as do the posts but without the art there are no posts and without the posts, no one knows what the hell you are doing! And people don't care if in their minds nothing is going on. Thats why I'm calling this, the struggle of the juggle. Because it is.
With so many pages and public forums to keep up with, by the time you are finished, you have spent your exhaustive efforts in pimping yourself out and your brain immediately says "Im done!". "Today you will not art, you will hit your head against a table mumbling to yourself "I wish I could afford to pay someone to do this for me..." But thats a double edged sword. Because although that person can write about you, they will never be you, so they will never give the people that love your art your voice. This is why I have taken it upon myself to change the mumble to "I am wonder woman. I am wonder woman. I am wonder woman." Its stupid, I know! But if it gets you from one step to the next, whatever works right! (It helps that my boyfriend playfully says I am Wonder Woman).
At the end of the day, as long as you got something done, even if its the smallest little most insignificant kernel of a thing, it will always be something. A small step to a bigger picture will always be better than absolutely nothing.
Hello! This space is where my mental and verbal diarhea will come out. It may be art related, inspirational, or just random . But it will definitely give you an idea of how my head works!