So there has been a conversation that has been popping up lately about work ethic in the studio. This one is specifically directed at me. You see, I am highly impatient. Before I have even done the work I am already thinking five or ten steps ahead of myself and before I know it I've burnt myself out. This is usually when I get lectured on how the work has to be done first, which is true. As good as it is to visualize where you want to be, its really not healthy if you are expecting anything to be manifested without the work being done.
I am done with visualizing. It is time for me to manifest. This step is the one that I would allow to stop me at every step of the way. I would let the crippling fear of failure stop me from ever doing anything. Which is funny because the times I have conquered my fears I never lost, instead I gained. So why do I still allow fear to win?
Alex Cole said it best when he said "You have to be confident and brave enough to put yourself out there, because nothing is more fragile than your ideas. Someone's ideas. You're really exposing yourself anytime you're creating something, because it's coming directly from you. And it takes a lot of confidence and a lot of bravery to be able to do that." I don't think I was confident or even that I am, but I am choosing to be brave and putting myself and my fragile ideas out there.
So I have been getting my shit together and treating my art like a third job. Before, I would work on it when I had time, in between the two jobs and whatever else popped up at the time and after all the excuses I made for it. That is unacceptable. So here I am, blogging on a Wednesday because I promised myself I would blog at least once a week. Posting daily because it forces me to be consistent.
Consistency. This what I need for pretty much everything. I need to be consistent on sitting at my desk and be creative. I need to be brave enough to draw what I suck at. Last but not least, I need to be confident in my own skills and only worry about what I think of my own work. I need to not spend so much time worrying about where my work is going to take me or how its going to go over and just do it. If I don't, it will take me nowhere and I will have no one to blame but myself.
As a birthday present to myself, I finished number 2 of my Ivory Tower series.
Fun fact: Elephants are known to develop strong, intimate bonds between friends and family members. There have been reports of elephants forming lifelong friendships with each other, and they even mourn the death of their loved ones. Mother elephants have been seen grieving over stillborn calves, and some elephants have even been spotted returning to, and lingering near, spots where their friends and family members died. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Woohoo! After five long weeks slowly chugging away at this painting, I have finally finished it! Yey! I have been wanting to make a series using both elephants and rhinos as the subject for a while and I finally stopped procrastinating a started with the elephants. Now I have to keep going
I started this series along the same time that I realized that I wanted to do conservation art (it was not too long ago I know) but I realized that the reason I was not doing what I wanted to do was because I was being told to do other things; "Draw more people", "Thats so dark", "blar di blar har har", And unfortunately I was listening. I kept ranting at my boyfriend Michael about what I wanted to paint and he finally got fed up and said "DO IT!, FUCK WHATEVER EVERYONE ELSE WANTS, DONT LISTEN TO EVERYONE AND JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY!
So I did. And I am so excited about my future projects. I started with "The Red String Series", which is still a work in progress and I followed it with this one. I could not be more excited to see where this collection goes.
This last Saturday, Valade and I shared a table at Bing Con! It was truly a blast! We met with some amazing people and it really lit the fire for me to push and do more shows. Even though it was a nice little show, its relaxed setting made it unlike any other. I am excited to do it again next year!
Lately, I have been dealing with little stresses. Small things, that are actually not small at all, that as I keep dealing with them they start to snowball. They get bigger and bigger until i look like a curled up ball. A sad strange little person in fetal position in her bed not knowing what to do. Im sure everyone gets this way in different moments in there life. On days I am productive I think things like "I haven't done enough", "What should I do next", "Am I doing the right thing". I feel like I am always moving, doing this and doing that but not going anywhere and everyone I ask for help is telling me, "Its ok! just keep moving even though you don't know what you are doing! We don't know what you are doing either".
Thank you. That was helpful. That clearly made my stress and anxiety go away. I have asked professionals for advice in the matter but when a prominent gallery owner tells you "Well, I don't know what you should be doing but here, like my page, or this picture I'm in", it kind of makes you want to grab the not so elusive "chancla" and throw it at them. DUDE, YOU MADE A CAREER OUT OF THIS AND THAT IS THE CRAP YOU TELL ME TO SATIATE MY MIND! YOU SUCK!
Ugh. I feel like I'm going up shit creek without a paddle. I just have to keep telling myself, its going to be ok, you have only just begun. Just get the work done. At the end of the day all the voices in my head make me feel a little crazy. Not a lot crazy, just a little.
I am finding myself struggling to keep things in order... The struggle is real people! Between trying to be consistent with posts and art and other jobs, somethings gotta give! Unfortunately, nothing can! Its all equally important! The jobs pay for the art, as do the posts but without the art there are no posts and without the posts, no one knows what the hell you are doing! And people don't care if in their minds nothing is going on. Thats why I'm calling this, the struggle of the juggle. Because it is.
With so many pages and public forums to keep up with, by the time you are finished, you have spent your exhaustive efforts in pimping yourself out and your brain immediately says "Im done!". "Today you will not art, you will hit your head against a table mumbling to yourself "I wish I could afford to pay someone to do this for me..." But thats a double edged sword. Because although that person can write about you, they will never be you, so they will never give the people that love your art your voice. This is why I have taken it upon myself to change the mumble to "I am wonder woman. I am wonder woman. I am wonder woman." Its stupid, I know! But if it gets you from one step to the next, whatever works right! (It helps that my boyfriend playfully says I am Wonder Woman).
At the end of the day, as long as you got something done, even if its the smallest little most insignificant kernel of a thing, it will always be something. A small step to a bigger picture will always be better than absolutely nothing.
I am completely in love with this comic. I really had no idea how to start this post but since I said on my first post that I would blabber and show what I love and all the things I found inspiring, I figured this would be a perfect start. Lately, I have been judging books by their covers. Specifically, comic books. And I am not disappointed yet!
This little gem is called Rose. It is written by Meredith Finch and penciled by Ig Guara, and it is so good! Not only is the artwork eye catching but the story weaved together by Meredith Finch doesn't give you time to breathe in the best possible manner. At the end of each issue she always leaves you wanting more but as you're reading, the stress of wondering what else can happen to your heroine is consuming!
I can happily admit that every week that a new issue of Rose is out I am doing a happy dance, and not on the inside. My dance is public! For all the world to see!
Today, was a studio day for me. I had the day off, which meant I didn't really have it off, i simply had more hours to put in the studio. You see, usually I wake up, work in the studio, go to work, come home exhausted and then I muster up the energy to put a couple of more studio hours before I shower and go to bed.
I was just talking to my partner Michael about little things that people say that irk me. We talked about how people do not really take working artists seriously. They will ask "What will you do when you get home from work?" To which I answer "Work. I will get home at around 11:30pm and i will put a couple of hours in the studio before I get to wind down and go to bed." It is at this point where they will take it upon themselves to belittle what I do and say "Oh, you're just drawing! My son draws (or at least he did when he was five but i somehow feel like thats comparable to what you're doing....dipshit) Thats not work! Thats relaxing!"
Im writing this post to plead with everyone, don't be this person. As fun as art is, it is a lot, and I mean A LOT of work. You are not only creating art pieces and making prints so that you can be affordable to everyone. But you also have to market yourself (which I suck at), you also must have a social media presence (which i suck at too....I'm working on it). And this is not including the physical toll that making art actually has on your body. Making a painting for me pretty much comes with pain in my joints and in my back, not too mention the pain on my tailbone from the long hours of sitting. By the time I am finished, 1 studio day has taken a lot more out of me than one work day. I noticed that people don't really understand how much work actually goes into making and selling your own art. That is why it is so easy for them to say things like:
Hello everyone! I promise this first post will not be long and wordy. I just wanted to welcome you all into my little space and offer you a little part of me. Because this website is pretty much only related to my art, I figured its only fair to share here my thoughts, inspirations, books I'm reading, music...etc. This is the space where the filter goes out the window! Well, somewhat. Opinions are more than welcome here and the more the merrier, but as a personal rule, lets keep it civil people.
Alrighty, LETS DO THIS!
Hello! This space is where my mental and verbal diarhea will come out. It may be art related, inspirational, or just random . But it will definitely give you an idea of how my head works!